My name's Richard Mayhew.
Three days ago, I found this girl bleeding on the pavement...
...so I stopped to help her.
I mean, I didhelp her...
...maybe a bit too much.
Next thing I knew, I'd lost myjob, my home and my fiancée,
and no-one seemed to know who I was any more.
Right now, I'm somewhere under London.
And I'm in trouble.
What?
What is it? What is this?
Who have you brought us, Iliaster?
He's from Upworld. Asking questions about the floating market.
And Door!
I brought him to you, Lord Rat-Speaker.
I figured you'd know what to do with him.
Yes...
...I know exactlywhat to do with him.
Listen, you're making a mistake! Honestly!
I should slit you
from gullet
to gizza rd,
and tell fortunes with your guts!
(CLANGING)
Can anyone here tell me...?
(WHISPERS) Quiet!
(SQUEAKING)
He says you look exceedingly familiar. He wants to know if he's met you afore.
I suppose it's possible.
I'm afraid all rats look the same to me.
(SQUEAKS)
He says he was discharging an obligation for the Marquis de Carabas.
Oh, it's that rat!
Yes, actually, we've met.
Actually, I think I threw a TV remote at it.
(CH UCKLES)
Hello, Ratty.
Nice to see you again.
Do you know where Door is?
(SQUEAKS)
But, sire, I haven't a soul to spare.
How about I slash his throat
and send him down to the sewer folk?
(SQUEAKS)
(CLATTERING)
He's to be taken to the market.
If you think I'm taking him down there,
- you're out of your mind! - Not you.
Anasthesia will take him.
She's expendable.
Do you like cat?
Yeah, I quite like cats.
Leg or breast?
If I might have your attention, Mr Vandemar.
Pipe your beady eyes on this.
(FROG RIBBITS)
What's so clever about that?
You didn't hit even one finger.
(SIGHS)
Perhaps you show me how it should be done.
(PHONE RINGS)
Croup and Vandemar - the old firm.
Obstacles obliterated, nuisances eradicated,
bothersome limbs removed,
and tutelary dentistry.
Oh, yes, sir. Yes, indeed.
MightI say how your telephonic confabulation
brightens up and cheers our otherwise dull and uneventful day?
Sir, are you implying that Mr Vandemar and myself
were trying to terminate the young lady's bodily functions?
Well, perhaps, but only a little.
It shall not occur again.
Sir, in the matter of our contract...
You think you're so damned clever!
- (CLEARS HIS THROAT) - Er...
Stop that!
Who was that?
Our principal.
He seems to think we have been a little over-zealous in our duties.
Now little Miss Door has announced
she will be hiring a bodyguard at the market tonight.
- So? - So, Mr Vandemar,
shall we not also hire ourselves a bodyguard?
Don't need a bodyguard, Mr Croup.
We hurt people.
We don't gethurt.
Oh, Mr Vandemar, if you cut us, do we not bleed?
No.
- So you're a rat, are you? - I'm a rat-speaker.
We talk to rats.
What, you just chat with them?
(LAUGHS) No, we do stuff for them, too.
I mean, there are some things that rats can't do, you know,
not having fingers and thumbs and things.
(CLOCK CHIMES)
Well, say "open sesame", or whatever it is you do.
I'm really not sure I'm doing the right thing.
- Fine. I'll be seeing you, then. - Look, hold on!
It's just hard.
The last time I was here...
...you found your family dead.
Well, there you go.
I could wish you the very best of luck in your future career,
but I rather doubt you'll live long enough to have one.
You're a piece of work, aren't you?
I'll take us in.
(SCREAMS ECHO)
(GROANING)...
(GROANS) That...
That hurt.
Memories.
They're imprinted in the walls.
You could have warned me.
Quite remarkable!
An associative house!
Every room of which is located...
...somewhere else.
It's so imaginative!
We should have been safe here.
Let's hope your father's journal gives us some clues.
Where do we start looking?
He...used to go into his study
and private the links until he'd finished dictating.
Well, let's start in the study, then.
But I looked there.
Idid.
I looked for it...
...when I was cleaning up the body.
($035)
There, there.
There.
Can you just give me a second on my own?
I'll be fine.
Fine.
Who are they?
Call themselves Velvets. Sleep down here in the day
and walk the Upworld at night.
Are they dangerous?
Everybody's dangerous.
(TRAFFIC RUMBLES PAST)
Something wrong?
Only everything.
Have you always lived down there?
Nah.
No, Iwas born up here.
You don't want to hear about me.
I do.
Have you tried to return to the...to the real London?
You can't.
It's one or the other.
Nobody gets both.
Can he see us?
It's more that he doesn't notice us.
Hey, he's gonnajump! Hey!
You idiot!
What the hell were you trying to do?
Where did you come from?
I think I've just saved your life.
MAN: Arsehole.
He just...didn't notice us.
And even if they do,
they forget all about you.
(SNORING)
- (GASPS) - Surprise!
Further movement is not recommended.
Mr Vandemar might have a little accident with his old toad-sticker.
Most accidents occur in the home.
Is that not so, Mr Vandemar?
I don't like statistics, Mr Croup.
Hello, Daddy.
Your mother...
...and your sister.
Your brother...
...and your father.
All dead.
How did you escape?
I was lucky.
I'd gone off exploring for a few days.
Did you know there's still some Roman soldiers camped out
by the Kilburn River?
They were deserters from the XIXth Legion, I think.
Anyway...
...when I got back...
Pull yourself together! We have to find out who did this.
We know who did it! It was Croup and Vandemar!
They are arms.
Hands.
Fingers.
There's a head that ordered it...
...that wants you dead too.
Now...hisjournal?
It is here.
How are we, Varney?
Well, we trust?
In fine form, fetlock and fettle for the market tonight?
Do you know who we are?
There is talk that a certain young lady
will be auditioning bodyguards this evening.
Had you thought of trying out for the task?
Enu nciate clea rly.
Varney's the best bravo and guard in the Underside.
Everyone knows that!
They say I'm the best since Hunter's clay.
Well, then, best bravo and guard,
we want you to go to the market tonight.
We want you to become that certain young lady's personal bodyguard.
Then, once you've got the job,
you can guard her from the rest of the world.
But when we want her, we take her.
Got it?
- Are you bribing me? - No.
We're threatening you.
And if you don't do what Mr Croup says, we're hurting you very badly
before killing you even badlier!
Well, I'm working for you, then, ain't I?
Welcome aboard.
Here.
Well done.
I don't know how I could have missed it before.
Oh, you were upset. I was certain it would be here.
I am so rarely wrong.
How does this work?
What's this floating market going to be like, then?
Very big.
I got this there, look. I swapped some stuff for it.
- Very nice. - (PIERCING SCREAM)
To tell the truth - you'll laugh at me...
...I'm a little scared.
Sca red?
Of the market?
No. There's a truce in the market.
What you scared of, then?
Getting there, really.
They hold it in different places.
It moves around.
And to get to the place where it'll be tonight,
we have to go through a really nasty neighbourhood.
And where would that be?
Knightsbridge.
Knightsbridge?
(WHIRRING)
(CLANKING)
...It applies to all of us who live here in london Below.
Still, I’m of the opinion that what cripples us all is our petty factionalism.
A system of baron/es and ﬁefdoms. It’s foolish.
It’s divisive.
(HANGING)
I don ’t know how long I ’ve got before they get to this room.
I think my poor Portia and the other children are dead.
Now listen to me, child. 60 to Islington.
Trust Islington.
We were working together to bring the peace.
You must believe me, child - Islington.
(SIGHS)
Door... Door...
...avenge U5.
A venge your family
- (BANGING) - (GASPS)
DOOR: Islington?
I've never had any dealings with Islington.
I...I thought it was just legend.
Not at all.
We're gonna find out who killed my family...
...and we're gonna avenge them.
I've... I've never crossed the bridge before.
(SCREAMS)
Hey!
Someone was in my way.
Someone should watch where they're going.
You leave him alone!
He's my friend!
You all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.
That was really brave of you.
If you're crossing the bridge, I'll go with you.
Well...
You're welcome to join us. I'm Richard Mayhew.
This is Anasthesia.
She's the one of us that knows what she's doing.
You're from London Above?
Yes.
Travelling with a rat-speaker? My word!
I'm his guardian. Who do you owe fealty to?
I owe no man fealty, rat girl!
Have either of you crossed Knightsbridge before?
Um...no.
Well...
...isn't this going to be fun?!
Is there really anything to be scared of?
Only the night on the bridge.
The kind in armour?
The kind that comes when the day is over.
Now is the time to be afraid of the dark.
(ROARING)
(SCREAMS ECHO)
- (ROARING) - (SCREAMS)
We would appear to have crossed successfully.
There was...
There was this...
Anasthesia!
Come on, we've got to go.
We have to go back! She's...
Where is she?
She's gone.
The bridge takes its toll.
Be grateful it did not take you too.
Now the market.
Come!
(SIRENS WAIL)
Why are you going to this market anyway?
I'm selling personal physical services.
Ah.
Oh...
What, there?
Under there.
(HUBBUB)
(MUSIC AN D CHATTER)
Well, you're here...
...safe...
...and more or less sound.
I have business to attend to.
Fare you well.
Hi. I'm looking fora girl named Door.
Couldn't tell me where I could find her?
No? Don't worry about it.
...this girl, by any chance?
(MUSIC TH UMPING)
Do you need a bird, sir?
I've got rooks or ravens, crows, starlings.
Fine wise birds. Tasty!
(LAUGHS) Brilliant!
No, thank you.
Er, information? Roof maps?
Hang on...
I knows you.
You were with the Marquis de Carabas.
On the rooftops, eh? I'm Old Bailey. Remember me?
Yes. Actually, I'm looking for the Marquis and a young girl named Door.
"Diversify," I said. You can't go on selling rooks for the stew pot for ever.
In any case, they taste like boiled slippers.
Oh, they're so stupid. Thick as custard.
- You ever eaten rook? - No.
What will you give me?
Er, sorry?
If I tell you your information?
I don't have any money.
Don't need money. Here, that there.
- My hanky? - Yeah.
Never fear, laddie.
Your quest is at an end.
Go down there, down those steps. You can't miss 'em.
They're auditioning.
(BIRD SQUAWKS)
Enough of your beak!
Thank 'ee...
...for the little flag.
DE CARABAS: That one's promising.
DOOR: He doesn't look very nice.
"Nice" in a bodyguard is about as useful as the ability
to regurgitate whole lobsters.
He looks dangerous.
Dooﬂ
Richard?
Dooﬂ
I don't believe this.
Temple and Arch, Richard, what are you doing here?
It's nice to see you too!
What's happening?
You are out of your depth in deep shit
and, I would expect, a few hours away from an untimely and undoubtedly messy end!
We, on the other hand, are auditioning bodyguards.
I think we've seen enough.
Thank you all. Mr Varney, if you could wait behind.
Why did you have to come here?
Well, I didn't really have much choice!
And your previous satisfied employers include...?
Olympia, the Crouch Enders, Seven Sisters.
We're very impressed with your skills.
I thought you were hiring professionals...
...not competent amateurs.
I'm here to audition.
Very well.
I have to fight her?
Yes.
Unless you'd like a little lie-down first.
(GU FFAWS)
(GASPS)
(GASPS AND GRUNTS)
Try something like that again
and I'll break off both your arms and make you carry them home
- in your teeth. - Enough!
I'm called Hunter.
The H u nte r?
That's right.
I'm back.
(CLOCK CHIMES)
Five minutes.
HUNTER: Where are we going?
- DOOR: We're looking for Islington. - Not a journey I've ever made.
MARQUIS: Well, Earl's Court contains all the short cuts of the Underside.
DOOR: We'll need to find Earl's Court, then.
- Oi! - I was afraid you were going to say that.
- DOOR: Can you stop people killing me? - HUNTER: Can you take orders?
- IfI have to. - Good. Then maybe I can keep you alive.
You're dead!
You're bloody dead, you are!
RICHARD: Look, I really don't want to be a bother or anything, but what about me?
It's like I've walked into a nightmare.
I want my life back!
You won't get it back travelling with us, Richard.
It's going to be hard enough for you anyway.
I'm really sorry.
Hang on!
Dooﬂ
MARQUIS: Go away.
Look, you're on your own.
If you can survive for the first day or two,
you might even make it through a whole month. Best of luck!
Shit!
CROU P: Varney is the ﬁnest bravo and guard in the Underside.
Everyone knows that.
Mr l/arne y told us so himself
VANDEMAR: It’s not nice to lie, Mr Croup.
(VARN EY GASPS)
No! No...
(ANGUISHED WAILING)
CROU P: Really, we ought to look on it as a mercy killing.
- Richard. - (HE GASPS)
What?
You really wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for me,
and I don't think you'd be any safer coming with us, but, well...
...Coming?
I'm not doing anything else right now.
Why not?
Where are we going?
Right now, we're looking for an angel called Islington.
Oh. An angel.
Right, of course. Yes.
An angel...called Islington.
We've got a long way to go.
An angel!